A few weeks ago I was sitting in meditation, doing my best to focus on the present moment. I was aware that my posture had begun to slouch, straying from my starting position of sitting upright with a straight back. As much as I tried to resist the urge to move and fidget, I knew that some amount of movement was necessary if I wanted to not have back pain for the rest of the evening. As I inhaled deeply and began to realign, I was surprised to find that a mere micro-adjustment was all I needed to arrive in an optimal position, one where I felt grounded and thus able to be more present in my practice.
I’ve long since identified as someone who tends to have an all or nothing mentality. Yet it was only in the past few years, along with being diagnosed with ADHD, that I realized how this tendency had the potential to derail many of my goals, dreams, aspirations, and daily routines. When I found myself unsatisfied with an aspect of my life, whether that was my evening routine or career trajectory, I would often attempt to make a monumental change. More often than not, this change would lead to immense inspiration and excitement, a fleeting feeling that would come crashing down the moment I strayed from whatever grandiose goal I had set before myself.
When we want to change an aspect of our lives, it feels natural to envision an idealized version of that part of us; becoming so caught in what that future version of ourselves does, that we can abandon and neglect our current self.. Upending our life and routine can feel exciting and symbolic, as if we are taking monumental leaps in the direction of our dreams. But we can’t expect to climb the mountain in front of us without some proper training.
Time and time again I have borne witness to my own ambitious tendencies. Hoping that “this time will be different”, reassuring myself that going all in is the key to reaching the peak. But a lesson that I keep returning to is the power of micro-adjustments. Nature, which we ourselves are, does not rush, and yet everything happens when it is supposed to. The buds on the cherry blossoms do not appear overnight, and the great blue heron chicks do not exit their shells knowing how to hunt. And yet, the flowers manage to bloom each spring and by fall the chicks have left the nest. Slowly, as time methodically passes, growth happens.
Within each passing moment lies an opportunity for growth, a micro-adjustment in the direction of our dreams. Rather than upending my entire life, I am focusing on the seemingly small actions I can take. As I inch closer to my goals, I delight in the foundation I am laying out beneath me, supporting me as I venture towards unexplored curiosities. Those lofty dreams still fill my mind, but I recognize that if I want to reach them I too must be like the buds and the herons.
The more I learn about myself the more I am able to surrender into the ease of slow and steady growth. Genuine lasting change rarely happens in an instant. It is in the countless daily moments that we cultivate a truer sense of self, where our roots run deep, giving us the wisdom and nutrients necessary to bloom in our own time.
Love those little shells