The Freedom of Being a Beginner

Earlier this week I went for a run along a route I have traveled dozens of times. My goal was not distance or pace based, but rather to be gentle with myself. Returning to physical activity after nearly a year away has been a humbling and rejuvenating experience. As I began to move along the trail I let go of any negative thoughts that arose. I resisted the habitual urge to compare myself to past versions of myself, and I slowly witnessed my mind beginning to clear.

Within a few minutes I was reminded of why I am continually drawn back to solitary movement outdoors. A leaf drifted in the wind, falling at my feet, I made eye contact with a bunny in the grass, and had the pleasure of watching a humming bird hover in the middle of the trail, unfazed by my presence just a few feet away.

I didn’t stop my watch to observe, I didn’t even bring my GPS watch with me. Rather than focus on a certain distance or pace, I shifted my thoughts to the present, allowed my senses to be filled, and instead thought about how I could reframe this outing. I gave myself permission to let go of what previous versions of myself would think and instead reveled at the fact that because I was taking my sweet time, I was ultimately getting to spend a longer amount of time outside. By the time I returned home I was utterly indifferent to how long the run had taken me, overcome with endorphins and giddy joy for being able to move my body and all that I had witnessed.

In many ways, returning to movement has reminded me what it means to be a beginner. Sure, I have an extensive history with running prior to this past year of rest, but my body has continually humbled me, a physical reminder that true growth can not be rushed.

The idea of being a beginner, or even flirting with the idea of trying something new, can at times feel so daunting that it holds me back from trying. If I’m not comparing myself to previous versions of myself, then I can easily slip into the thought patterns of comparing myself to others; oftentimes comparing my beginner skill level to someone who has been practicing their craft for years or even decades.

In these moments a plethora of cliches come to mind, “You’ve got to start somewhere”, “Everyone was a beginner once before”, “Just do it”. And while these sentiments are not wrong, they are more likely to elicit an internal eye roll from me than motivate me to expose my vulnerabilities.

But what my run from earlier this week showed me was the inherent beauty that comes with being a beginner. When we approach something we are unfamiliar with, whether it be a sport, hobby, or art medium, we are able to see this endeavour with fresh eyes. When we are yet to be bound by the practical and arbitrary rules of a skill, we are able to create more freely.

When I let go of needing my run to look a certain way, I saw wonders that I would have otherwise passed by. A new painter may not know what brush is best to use, but when they follow their curiosity they are still able to create beautiful art. With time comes knowledge, and more often than not our skills slowly begin to improve. We can learn how best to layer paint on canvas only once we have accepted that being a beginner is not a shameful label. Rather than being hard on ourselves, focusing on what we are yet to learn, being a beginner offers us the chance to learn by doing.

I watched a dozen videos about how to sew a garment before using my sewing machine. But the real improvement has come from embracing my current skill level, learning new skills over time, and accepting that I will make mistakes. Often, the fear of being a beginner boils down to being self-conscious about what we don’t know, being afraid of making mistakes, and being perceived by others. How silly are we for expecting so much from ourselves before we even take the first step in learning.

We would not laugh or mock a child who is learning a new skill, so why do we lean on such destructive tendencies for ourselves? The fear of being a beginner can still hold me back at times even with this awareness coursing through me. When I sense this fear is holding me back I simply ask myself, would I feel this way if six year old me was learning something new? For me, the answer is always no, so why then would I expect a 29 year old me to excel at something they are a beginner at?

Age is but a number, not a determining factor for learning a new skill. Learning may take more time as we age, but it is the fear of failure and the fear of being perceived that is what often holds us back. Being a beginner offers us the freedom to just be. We are able to freely express ourselves, be proud of even the most minute growth, and allow excitement and wonder to envelop us as we begin to see the potential that awaits us. May you never forget to learn, always follow your curiosities, and discover the creative embrace of being a beginner once again.